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Brian Wertheim on Unsplash

14 Ways Politicians Are Exactly Like Toddlers

  
lynsey free
Jan. 15, 2021
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Politicians have never been particularly trusted by the general public, and that level of trust seems to get smaller every day. One of those reasons could be that their behavior resembles that of a child who is still walking around in diapers. 

1. They call each other names.

Donald Trump is the leader of name-calling, coining the terms "Crooked Hillary" and "Little Marco" during the election campaign and referring to Sen. Elizabeth Warren as "Pocahontas." Of course, some politicians have fought back with their own nicknames for the president, including Sen. Tammy Duckworth, who has repeatedly referred to him as "Cadet Bone Spurs" in her tweets. That nickname references the controversial claim that allowed Trump to receive a draft deferment during the Vietnam War (one of several deferments, that is).

2. They refuse to compromise.

When it comes to negotiating with politicians on the other side of the aisle, dialogue is basically non-existent. Getting politicians to respectfully speak to one another is pretty much the same as trying to mediate an argument between two screaming three-year-olds.

3. They'll do anything to get what they want.

Every politician is guilty of making campaign promises they have no intention of keeping. They'll do anything for votes, just like a toddler will go to extreme lengths to get what they want.

4. They're selfish.

Toddlers aren't generally concerned about the feelings of anyone but themselves, and politicians seem to only be concerned about themselves and their own party. 

5. Everyone suffers when they're in a bad mood.

Donald Trump hates Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi (and vice versa), which means the rest of us suffer (in the form of a government shutdown) when they all decide to throw tantrums.

6. They misbehave.

There's always a scandal or two breaking in Washington, from Anthony Weiner's sexting saga to Donald Trump's alleged encounters with porn star Stormy Daniels. 

7. They're dramatic. 

When John McCain voted against a "skinny repeal" of Obamacare, he didn't just vote "no." He dramatically stood before the Senate chair, made sure all eyes were on him, and gave a "thumbs down" motion. That's just one of many dramatic moments that have taken place on Capitol Hill over the years.

8. They can be bribed.

Money talks, and it's amazing how quickly politicians can do a complete U-turn on an issue if there's some kind of kickback involved. It's no different to a kid agreeing to behave if they know they'll get an ice cream cone at the end of it. 

9. They lie.

All politicians lie. It's a sad truth. Bill Clinton's famous statement "I did not have sexual relations with that woman (Monica Lewinsky)" comes immediately to mind. 

10. They change their minds all the time.

Toddlers are pretty fickle. One day they love something and the next day they hate it. Politicians are also good at flip-flopping. It's hard to believe it now, but Trump used to be a Democrat.

11. They're bad with money.

If you give a toddler some cash, they'll blow it on stupid stuff like candy and stuffed animals. Give a politician some tax money and they'll most certainly blow it on equally stupid stuff.

12. They love power. 

You know how a toddler will wrap you around their finger if you give them the chance? That's because the little minions want control over you. Politicians also want to be in control – even when they repeat the same boring script about being public servants fighting for the better good.

13. They point fingers.

Democrats blame Republicans for everything, and Republicans blame Democrats for everything. No one ever takes responsibility for their actions. 

Capitol Hill and the playground of a daycare center = basically the same thing. 

14. They have big imaginations. 

Politicians love to talk about the big, extravagant changes they'll make...but at the end of the day, almost nothing gets done. Their imaginations are as active as a young child's. 

  
lynsey free
Jan. 15, 2021

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