Lately my emotions have been up, down and all around. To get through this roller coaster I feel like I have to put myself on autopilot, even when I do this I still feel it all no matter what. Circumstances as of late have been less than ideal. I’m not only going through my own health issues, but I’m caring for my mother who’s going through the same health issue I previously went through almost 10 years ago. Watching her go through this is like reliving it all over again. I have two older siblings that are less than helpful. Both are married and I’m single, so I guess that makes me the ideal candidate for this task. I desperately try not to have these feelings of anger and resentment but they do tend to surface. When this happens I feel lost, alone, like it’s to much and I cry, sometimes uncontrollably. These thing are not easy to admit, like saying it makes it all the more real. I used to smk pot to ease my anxiety, but since transplant I’ve been compliant in not smoking. I really don’t have anyone close to talk to. I have family and friends, I’m just not open to spilling my issues, I feel I’d be coddled or worse, institutionalized. Not that I feel like I’m at the edge. Thanks for listening, I’m optimistic that tomorrow will be a better day.